Psalm 109:4 {Worship Wednesday}

One of my many reading plans on YouVersion is the Active Word Daily Devotional. I haven't been doing great with my reading plans recently and I really need to work on that. I know my relationship with the Lord is not based on how many days I have missed my reading plan, but more times than not, they provide prayer and thought provoking view like the one below.

I preface this by saying, I am in NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM looking for sympathy when I share this with..well, the world. I have found more and more in my adult years that I really don't "fit in" any kind of group of people. I find myself as the outsider, the joke, or just plain fool. I have shared before, that I desperately want and pray for a good group of girlfriends. Christ minded women and mothers who are walking though life the same way I am. I group to lift each other up, not judge. That's hard to find with women. Really, it is. Women are mean...and dramatic...and catty. One of my consistent prayers with God is one in which I ask for a friend. Really, just one would be enough.

Since diving head first into blogging, I have met some of the most amazing women. I do feel like I "fit in." Women bloggers just want to be themselves. We don't fit in an about me box, we need a whole corner of the internet to express and share our lives. I have met a few women that really do "get it." This gives me hope and quite honestly, something to look forward to.

In the times (past and present), I don't fit in, don't say the right things, or learn I have become a source of hatred, I hope to remember Psalm 109:4.


Psalm 109:4

4 In return for my friendship they accuse me,

but I am a man of prayer.




When you pull back and look at Psalm 109 in its totality, it becomes painfully clear that it's one of David's most heart-breaking compositions. Obviously, he wrote it during a time of unparalleled difficulty and distress, when everything that could possibly go wrong did. Maybe it was when the sting of Ahithophel's betrayal was still fresh, or on the heels of some unrecorded conflict. Whatever the exact circumstances were, they took David to the brink of his breaking point.

And yet, there's a star that shines through all this darkness. Notice that in this state of extreme misery, David gave himself to prayer. All around him there was nothing but heartache, and so he looked up. He looked in that one direction, the only direction in which he could trust there would be a loving heart to receive him.

Sometimes, our lives parallel David's. Our enemies are multiplied and threaten to utterly overwhelm us, and even those we trusted betray us. We're attacked from every angle, except one: from above. The avenue of prayer is still open to us and unlimited resources of God's love, joy, peace, wisdom, and faith are made available to us.

When our lives seem to be racing out of control at breakneck speed, prayer is the brake that saves us. We need to use it. We need to do as David did and give ourselves to prayer when the battle appears hopeless and the floodwaters are at their highest. Don't surrender or roll over in defeat. Don't succumb to the rising tide. Dig deep, call out to God, pray! Take advantage of the one avenue that is and always will be open to you no matter what. 

Hearer of our hearts, may we always and ever pursue the pathway of prayer to You.

When you pull back and look at Psalm 109 in its totality, it becomes painfully clear that it's one of David's most heart-breaking compositions.

Heart Therapy {hopes & dreams}

Time for another installment of Heart Therapy hosted by Eisy Morgan. Did you miss last week? Go here. 

Sheesh. This is one of those topics that will get 2 responses: Laughter or Support. 

I dream of going back to school. Those of you who know me in real life are probably laughing right about now. When I look back on my transition from high school to college, I cringe. I am a firm believer that you really have no idea what you want to do with your life at the age of 18 and that's exactly what happened to me. I've been in the work force since then and now know what I truly love to do. My source of income right now, isn't it. And that's ok. I enjoy what I do for a living, and strive to always learn more about it. I say I know what I love to do and what interests me, but really there are many things. Health care, food and nutrition, the idea of teaching fitness, and the Christian faith. What's the degree for all of that?? Right.

I also dream of being unbelievably active in the local church. I am continuing to learn how important this is to carry out God's plan for me through the online ministry I am a part of. We have recently been "church shopping" and let me tell you, its exhausting in every way possible. Ew. Thankfully, I think we have found "the one." Now, to get past this awkward hey-we-are-the-new-people stage and really get plugged in (I hate that phrase). There were a lot of things that disappointed us about our previous church, which I won't go into boring detail about, but it was a devastating hit when we realized it just wasn't where we needed to be anymore. Pressing forward with our new church home, I see this dream a little more obtainable. 

Now this one is bound to get a lot of laughs. I dream of having a really good group of girlfriends. Really, I would just be happy with one. I don't know why it is so hard for adult women to be good friends (myself included) but its truly sad. Women are vicious. I dream of having a few very good friends who are close to where I am in life and who know the Lord. 

And lastly, I dream of the wedding I never had. I  promise I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer, just her cousin. Again, I'm not going to go into a lot of detail, but YES, I DID GET PREGNANT OUT OF WEDLOCK. I promise I don't need you to judge me because there is someone much greater than you or me that has that covered. We planned to get married after bambino was born (because no one wants to be that postpartum bride) , but it was really on our hearts to make that covenant with God before Austin arrived. So...2 months before I was due, we made the agreement with each other and our families to get married then but have a real wedding 365 days later. Our previous church pastor married us, but the event itself was a hot mess. There were no plans of any kind, no communication, and our marriage license was even lost. Austin promptly arrived and my worst nightmare became reality. No one really cared about following through with that wedding we all talked about. In fact, the general response was that I was ridiculous for even wanting one. What was the point? Oh, I don't know...so I could have photos documenting the day I dreamed of for like ever. So I could buy a real wedding dress, not one that could only fit a huge pregnant woman. So that I could show all my family and friends how much I love my husband. I don't regret getting married when we did. I just regret dreaming too big. 

Moooooving on. 

I hope to honor my husband as I have been commanded to. 

I hope to be an active, involved parent. 

I hope to give up more of myself to gain more of Christ on a daily basis.

I hope to be satisfied with the work I have done at the end of each day. 

And now, a little comic relief.