Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Heart Therapy {Insecurities}

Now that things are somewhat normal again, I have linked up with Eisy Morgan for this week's Heart Therapy again! 

Go here for {hopes and dreams}.
Go here for {thankful}.


Here goes.

I would like to think I'm a pretty confident person, but in reality...no one is. You see, I'm a planner. I like to know what's coming. I run almost all scenarios through my imaginative brain, planning them all out. Guess what? I'm not in control. I know this. I know it all too well. But I forget it just as frequently...when things don't go my or the way I thought it was going to go, yikes.

I know that sounds very brat-ish, but I promise, its not. I truly believe it is a security thing. I need to know what lies ahead, how I will deal with it, what I will say, what route I will take, how the day will go, what I will do next....Ugh. It just sounds exhausting once I type it all out. I really need to work on this.

Relax, Allison, relax.

I'm also insecure when it comes to what people think about me. I did this thing starting in middle school where I seriously thought everyone liked me and no one ever spoke bad about me. What world was I living in? I was in complete denial for several years. The first time I heard about someone saying something ugly about me, I felt like I had just been punched. What did I think was so special about me that made me immune to gossip? No idea.

Get a clue, Allison, get a clue.

Since joining the rest of the general public in reality, I still take hateful words and trash talking waaaay to personally. Why should I care? At the end of my life, am I really going to be concerned about what some miserable dude at work said about me? No.

Let's see....what else am I insecure about? Oh right, my blog. I'll be honest, it was really hard to tell people about my blog, even my husband. (See the previous paragraph.) I thought "this could go one of two ways-1.) people will hate who I am or 2.) people are going to think I am so self absorbed because I started a blog...about myself." 99% of the time, I get a great reaction. I have said it a hundred times, but the blogging community is such a wonderful place. SO many supportive bloggers and readers, but it is still hard to put yourself out there. This is one insecurity that I feel myself letting go of (slowly). 

I'm also insecure about about sharing my faith. I'm sure I will be scrutinized for that, but hey, I'm just being honest. I grew up in a place that had a church practically every half mile, but my husband was the first person to ever share Christ with me...4 years ago. For this very reason, I am not confident in sharing my faith because I feel like a "rookie" Christian, but at the same time, it reminds me of why I should be bold about sharing. Not to be selfish, but I went 23 years of my life not knowing about Jesus, but grew up in the "Bible Belt." Seriously? I just feel like I don't know enough to answer all the questions everyone has...but ya know, I should just get over it. As a follower of Christ, it is my responsibility and privilege to share my faith with other. That was also a main reason I started my blog. Blogging was something that was on my heart for a while, and once I listened to that, I knew that my blog was going to faith based. It has been a big stepping stone for me towards getting over my fear of sharing my faith. 

1 comment:

JG said...

I'm in a place right now where I'm hesitant about sharing my faith, too. We moved at the beginning of the year and we STILL haven't found a church to attend. And I feel like, how can I tell someone that God should be so important to them when I don't even go to church, can't invite them to go to church with me if they do desire to grow spiritually...yadda yadda yadda....not being a part of a local body of believers has really stunted my spiritual growth, as well, so it's just made the whole topic more difficult to talk about. I don't know if this has a point, just saying, you aren't alone. :/

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